I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
