theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
