She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
