i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
