Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
