I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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