I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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