Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
