Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
