i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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