That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
