I just threw up on my dentist
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
