allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
