i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he thought i was a dude.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
