Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
