you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
