im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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