You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
