this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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