Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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