If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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