And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
