Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
