So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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