got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
