I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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