Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I met the friendliest cop last night
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Holy sore nipples Batman
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
