i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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