I wish i was in the wii world.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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