There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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