Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
