I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's shark week go big or go home
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
