is your mom at the bar?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
