well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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