Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
