I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
