I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I lost the right to judge tonight
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
