Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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