Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
