I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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