First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
