I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
