I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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