it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
