awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
