trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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