Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
