Apparently you make a good broom.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So here I am, sexting at work.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
