i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
this is an emotional support booty call
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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