Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
