what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
