i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
