Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Actions speak louder than pants.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
