weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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