hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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