well I can't set my house on fire every night
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
nutella sex= disaster
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
