he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
