the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
