I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
