): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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