forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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